Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Dating Officer Friendly

I am a law enforcement officer. So, I don't take much nonsense from men. So I knew it was bad news when I agreed to go out for a date with a guy I met... on the job. Actually, on the job as I arrested him! As if that's not ominous enough, he was arrested by me . . . for indecent exposure.

It is a very small town, and I have known this guy by name for a while, so I really felt obliged to take him up on the offer. We met at a local diner two days after I nabbed him. One of the first things that suggested he was a little kooky was that he was wearing a clown suit. I asked him why and he said it was because he was working at a party. But this was totally false, I later learned, he had just worn it because he was too broke to get any other clothes after we released him. He had gone straight to the Salvation Army in his county jail suit and the clown costume was all they could offer him.

The next thing I realized was crazed was that he ordered 2 dinners, at the same time. At this point I seriously questioned if he had any money to pay... I asked, not to be rude, and he just opened his mouth and told me his gold fillings were worth at least 34 bucks.

I had gotten about enough, and I was ready to leave cash on the table and run out when I realized he had defecated in my food while I was in the restroom. Really. This was certainly grounds for arrest. I stood up and told him that the date was over and he was to address me not by my first name but as an officer.

A disastrous date, yes, but another criminal off the streets.

--Name Withheld


Anonymous said...

Um, I think the first clue was that he was arrested for indecent exposure! Yuck!

Anonymous said...

jesus christ! why would you, as a police officer go on a date with a man you had just arrested?? clearly you're not the brightest star in the sky.