Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Most Romantic Thing

It was my senior year of college and I had met this guy (I can't remember his name, let's call him Chris) at a party where I think I was probably drunk. Chris was probably drunk, too, as this was college, but he managed to remember my phone number and ask me out. We went to the movies. I remember thinking that he was a little cheap because he didn't ask me if I wanted any popcorn or soda when we got into the theater. But I guess that's neither here nor there, given the rest of the story.

The movie went fine, but when we left the theater, the windows on his car were all frozen over. February in State College, PA, can be quite cold. So he proceeds to get out some sort of spray which is supposed to eliminate the ice build-up, but he sprays it on the INSIDE of the car windows. I ask him, PLEAD with him, to spray the OUTSIDE of the windows, but he insists that his way is correct. Well, we get in the car and he CRANKS up the heat, because it is cold, and because he is trying to defrost the windows so he can see. He drives half of the way back without being really able to see (luckily, I survived), and I am choking from the fumes created by the spray he put on the inside of the windows.

When we get to my place, I'm not self-confident enough to know that I can leave him in the car and go inside, so I invite him in. As soon as we get into my apartment, the cheap bastard asks if I have any microwave popcorn, and so I make him some. He eats like a regular caveman and soon there are little pieces of popcorn all over his face, his clothes, and my carpet. Eewwww.

He hangs around to watch TV and totally overstays his welcome. When he goes to the bathroom, I decide to send him a signal that it's time to leave by lying on the couch and pretending to be asleep. This is no problem for him when he returns, as he sits on the floor in front of the couch, right in front of my head, with his back resting against the couch. He talks to me and I pretend to be really sleepy.

That's when it happened. He turned around, looked up at me, and said the most romantic thing any man has ever said to me in my entire life. He said . . .

"I can see up your nose."

-- Name Withheld

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