Sunday, July 13, 2008

When Your Date Needs Prozac

I went to a very nice steak house with a man I met at the movies. Conversation started out light, but then something seemed to make him sad, and I couldn't imagine what it was. The only bad thing that had happened on our date was that our waitress spilled a little glass of water. He started talking about how difficult his childhood was, making dark elliptical statements and calling his mother "cruel." All of this from a 50-year-old man! Then, after bragging about "finally getting his parents into therapy," my date started asking how I survived my husband's death. Before I knew it, I was in tears.

It was already the most depressing date of my life, and then the waitress brought the check. My gloomy date took one look and said, "I believe in equality. Let's split the bill." No longer depressing, the night was downright horrid.

--submitted by Louise

The Date That Wouldn't End

Much to my surprise, we had a terrible ice storm in Kentucky a few years ago. Right before the bad weather started (literally), I went out with this guy from a town about 35 miles away. It was our first date and I didn't think it was going very well, so I was surprised when he invited me to his apartment to watch movies afterward. I agreed, thinking, "It couldn't get any worse, right?"

Boy, was I wrong! After just one movie, I decided it was time to go home. I called my mother to pick me up, and she informed me that I couldn't leave. When I asked why, she told me to look out the window. There was at least four inches of ice on everything!

As it turned out, I was stuck there for a full week until the roads were safe again. Not only that, but my date had a twin brother who lived with him who showed up about one hour after I talked to my mom. The date from hell became the week from hell -- plus I was double-teamed by misery!

--submitted by lilgalbrat

Rescuing a Fellow Dater in Need

I always date men who are older. Unfortunately, my friends disapprove of this, so one time they set me up with a "guy my own age." But all this supposedly mature date could talk about was how special he was, how many women he had "tamed" (no joke) and how much money he made. After two hours I ended up calling a friend for a ride home.

Two weeks later, I saw the same guy having dinner in a restaurant with another woman. He was wearing the same suit, the same fake gold chains, and his new date looked as bored as I had been on our date! Even though I didn't know her, I had to rescue her. So I marched to their table, took her hand and told her I missed hanging out with her. Then, I asked if she wanted to leave with me! When she said she missed me too, the look on his face was priceless. The best part is that woman and I are still good friends, 15 years later.

--submitted by Sheri

When He Tries to Pay for Play

When I worked at a law firm, I had a crush on one of the attorneys. After four months, he asked me to dinner. We went to a nice restaurant, and our conversation was so great that by the time the check came we were still engrossed in talking. But, I soon found out we had different things on our mind. When the bill came, he said, "I gotta tell you -- I only pick up the tab if it's a sure thing for later." I was stunned. Finally I said, "If that's the case, please excuse me while I freshen up"

"I knew you were a no-nonsense girl," he said. I headed toward the bathroom and kept walking right out the back exit. (Thankfully, I had driven.)

--submitted by jamieclay

Waitress to the Rescue

After meeting what seemed to be "the perfect gentleman" online, I agreed to go to dinner with him.

He was already waiting for me when I arrived. Once we were seated, things got a little, uh, gross. Not only did he pick his nose at the table, but he also sucked his teeth. As if bad manners weren't enough, he also had a finger missing and insisted on telling me the gruesome details of how he lost it. Just as he got to the part about "blood shooting out," I excused myself to the ladies room. The biggest surprise was what happened next. One of the waitresses came in and asked me if I was okay. She said that she had overheard some of our conversation and volunteered to concoct an "emergency" phone call for me. After the details were outlined, I returned to the table and shortly thereafter, the waitress came over and did her thing. I left without so much as a look back. It was the absolute worst date that I have ever had!

--submitted by redeemed

Cheap and Dumb

So, this guy that I've been dying to go out with finally asks me to a movie. We go to the theater, wait in line, and, when it was our turn, he goes up to the booth to buy (what I thought were) our tickets. Imagine my surprise, when he came back and said, "Okay, you can go get yours now." What? Are you kidding me? Fortunately, I had the good sense to stop by the ATM on the way to meet this guy. You know, in case I needed it for an emergency. This was an emergency. Then, just as the flick was starting, he said that he was going to get popcorn and a drink. After about 10 minutes, I looked down from the screen and saw a familiar head sitting a few rows in front of me. It was him. He had come back to the wrong row! It was bad enough to be sitting there in the dark, watching him look around for me, but when I saw that he'd only returned with one popcorn and one drink, I got up and walked out.

--submitted by Charlene

The Cocky, Arrogant Type

My girlfriend begged me to go on a double date because the guy she wanted to go out with had some sort of commitment with his buddy that night. They met us at a restaurant. I disliked my date instantly. He was gorgeous, but not in a good way. He had that snide, cocky look -- and attitude. For the sake of my friend (because she really liked the other guy), I was polite and nice. My friend and I took one trip to the ladies room together and I told her that after dinner I'd go for one drink, but then I was out of there. Then, before coffee, my date leaned over to me and said quietly," Do you have your own place or do I have to get us a room?" I gave him a small, sweet smile, excused myself to the ladies room and continued walking right out to the parking lot. I called my friend on her cell phone with my apologies!

--submitted by nancyflorida

Never Trust Your Grandmother's Friend

I was set up with a "nice guy" through my grandmother's friend. On the phone we talked for a while, before deciding to go to the beach together. He picked me up, and we drove there. When we paid to park, he asked the attendant for directions to the nude beach -- and winked at me. I thought he was joking, but it turned out he wasn't. I chose a place as far away from anybody else as possible. He stripped nude right away, cracking jokes the whole time. I could not look in his direction the entire time! By lunchtime I'd had enough and made a weak excuse to get back home after lunch. Unfortunately, he decided to take the "scenic route." It was a beautiful drive, but he ruined it by telling me about his many sexual partners (which made me want to throw up) and their exploits! After an hour, I said I was through listening, and that I didn't care much for him.

When he dropped me off, a block away since my building would be too far out of the way for him (an entire block), he said he never wanted to hear from me again. No problem, I thought. So, I'm thinking that this is over, right? I get a call about half an hour later from him, saying that I am really a gorgeous girl, and we should see each other again. At that point I lost it. I went off on him. He says to me, "Now that you're mad at me, we should have make-up sex!" And he was completely serious! I hung up.

--submitted by Heather

The Zoo, the Teddy Bear and the Thong

I was going out with a person who I had wanted to go out with for over a year. We picked the zoo in Edinburgh. I wore a nice blouse and my pretty lavender skirt that goes so well with my bright red hair. My favorite skirt length is rather short, about mid-thigh. And I always wear thong panties.

Things were going well. He even mentioned that he wanted to see a lot more of me. It was at that moment, with a teddy bear in one arm and cotton candy in my other, the elastic on my skirt snapped and my skirt slid to a heap around my feet. Of course we were in the most crowded place in the zoo. I handed him my bear and cotton candy and, with everyone watching, bent down and pulled up my skirt. Someone came to my rescue with a safety pin and as I pinned it back up I said to him: "Well, you said you wanted to see a lot more of me." Embarrassed as I was, we saw the rest of the zoo and finished our date.

--submitted by Janel

When a Little One Slips Out

When I was in high school, the quarterback of our football team asked me out on a date. We decided to go to a movie, so we went to McDonald's beforehand. We were sitting there eating on the same seat (how romantic) and we were telling each other jokes.

Well, he told me this one joke that had me laughing so hard that I farted. I was so embarrassed but tried to play it off by saying, ''Damn shoe.'' We continued to eat and I thought I was in the clear when all of a sudden he put his hands over his face and started laughing so hard he was crying. When I asked him what was so funny, he said, ''I keep thinking about how funny it was to feel the seat vibrate when you farted.''

-- submitted by paredneckgrl

Excuse Me?

My blind lunch date started out a little rocky. First of all, he took me to Au Bon Pain (not only was it a sandwich joint, but it was a chain sandwich joint -- oh, the horror). Anyway, we were standing in the line and I started trying to tell him a story, but he kept interrupting me saying, ''Excuse me?'' At first I repeated what I had just said, but after a while it started getting annoying. There wasn't any background noise so it seemed like he just wasn't paying attention. I was so irritated by the last time he said it that I finally blurted out, ''What, do you need a hearing aid?'' Right then he pulled a hearing aid out of his ear and said sarcastically, ''Yeah, well maybe my battery is running low.'' I apologized, then slunk away from the table as only the most mortified girl on the planet could.

--submitted by kmcatacutan

When Anything That Can Go Wrong Does

My nightmare began when I met this really nice guy in an online dating chat room. After several emails, photo exchanges and telephone conversations, we decided to meet for dinner when he came to town on business.

Since he didn't know his way around, I volunteered to pick him up at the hotel. Things were going fine until I lost my sense of direction and made a wrong turn. Then, instead of going to the restaurant as planned, I wound up giving us a driving tour of the seediest area you can imagine. Also, it was 95 degrees and very humid, and I didn't have air conditioning. When I finally got us back on track toward the restaurant, it started pouring down rain. Pouring. Then all of the windows started to steam up, so we had to roll everything up and turn on the defroster. Finally the windows started to defog. That's when I tried to stop at a stoplight -- and my truck spun out of control. The only object in our path was a tree. When I saw it coming at me in slow motion, my entire life began to pass before my eyes. I was yelling, ''Stop, car, stop!'' but it didn't work. We hit the tree and I was speechless. My date asked me, ''Are you okay?'' four times, but I couldn't answer. I was in shock! Being the very nice and honorable man that he is, he got out to assess the damage. When we discovered that I only had a slightly bent fender and a broken headlight, I started laughing hysterically. I mean, finally, I meet the man of my dreams, and I run us into a tree!

He promised that he'd drive next time.

--submitted by Marianne

A Really Wrong Number

I received a wrong-number phone call one night, and instead of hanging up, he started talking to me. After about a week's worth of phone calls, and him begging to take me out, I finally agreed. He came and picked me up after he got off work one day, and instead of him taking me out, he took me back to his place. Not only was this totally uncomfortable, but he turned out to be one of the rudest guys I've ever met. I must have asked him about 10 times to keep his hands off of me. Luckily he had to work early the next morning so I suggested he take me home early. I thought that if I just kept the conversation going, so there was no uncomfortable silence, things would be fine -- wrong. We get halfway to my place and he starts saying how he thinks he might run out of gas. Well most people would just fill up, but then he goes on to say that he's maxed out two gas cards, and has no money because he paid all his bills with it. Just so I would could get home and end the nightmare, I say, "Just go and I'll give you money so you can get me home and back." He offered to "take me out again" so he could pay me back, but I kindly refused. The only thing I wanted back was the three hours I was with him.

--submitted by Trena

Date of a Salesman

My mother set me up with this guy, and we went out for dinner. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that he had a master's degree and was well employed with a local computer firm. By the time dinner was over, I had a pretty good feeling. Suddenly, he reached into his briefcase and said he wanted to ask me something as he pulled out a stack of catalogs. Apparently, his side job was selling blouses and skirts, and he wanted to take every opportunity to make a sale.

--submitted by radha


My worst date was the first that I went on with a 45-year-old, never-been-married lawyer in New York City. It was the first time I'd ever been to his apartment, and everything was going along just fine -- at first. We were sitting and talking when he whipped out a photo album. I'm thinking family pictures? Vacation snapshots? I should be so lucky! He had actually created an entire book that was devoted to photos of his ex-girlfriends. Talk about show and tell! The "show" was obviously page after page of women, but it was the "tell" part that really got me. Hearing him say, "I only date beautiful women," was just too much. I mean, how does a man get to be that age without maturing at all?

--submitted by Marie

When He Insists on Feeding You

I met a really cute, nice guy in a bar. We agreed to have dinner the following night. He told me we were going to a very lavish, expensive dinner and said I should dress my absolute best. I was so excited I went out and spent a small fortune on a new dress and shoes. I needn't have bothered: He took me to Bennigans! (For those of you who don't have Bennigans nearby, it's a chain like T.G.I. Fridays and Applebees.) It's not a bad place at all, but this guy told me we were going to a five-star restaurant! He showed up wearing an outfit that looked slept in. Believe it or not, the evening got much worse. When my dinner arrived, the meat was so tough he had to cut it up for me. Then, he insisted that he feed it to me. As he did, he made airplane noises! The other diners were staring -- it was a scene. Needless to say, my appetite diminished quickly. The guy called for at least a year afterward and couldn't understand why I wouldn't return his calls.

--submitted by drays_girl

When Dinner Includes Salad, Fries and Sex

I was at a party, met a pretty nice guy and agreed to go out with him. A few days later he picked me up, and we went out to dinner and to a movie. Nothing fancy -- total cost for both of us for everything would have been around 50 dollars. It was a fabulous date. He was funny, smart, charming and acted like a real gentleman. That is, until later. He dropped me off back at my place and asked if he could come in. I said no, and told him I needed to get to sleep so I could get to work at 7:30 the next morning. He put his hand on the door, keeping me from opening it, and said -- with no trace of irony -- "but I bought you dinner." Needless to say, I was dumbfounded. I dug in my pocket, handed him 20 dollars and said, "Now we're even."

--submitted by simijo

The Three Second Date

I was new to Internet dating, and I had just started talking to a few guys by email. This one guy started emailing me more and more frequently, then sent me a couple of photos of himself. When he started to bug me about me sending photos of myself, I should have known this wasn't the one ...

I never did send photos of myself, but we kept talking and even exchanged phone numbers. (If I remember correctly, I was the one who had to call him!) Anyway, we talked on the phone and throughout the conversation he kept asking me what I looked like. I tried to describe myself to him and must have sounded okay because he asked me if I wanted to see a movie together that Friday. For some reason I ignored the red flag that was being waved in front of my face and said, "Yes."

I was a little nervous that day, but also kind of excited. That night, he showed up at my house and rang the doorbell. I answered the door and greeted him (since this was technically our first time meeting each other), but as I turned to grab my purse, my "date" stopped me. He said, "I really don't think that this is going to work out. Sorry." Then he left!

I didn't know what to say. I was in shock, I guess. I just went back in my house, dazed because this total jerk only cared about my appearance. Then I reported him to the Website. From the response I got back, it was apparent that he had done this to more women than just me. I can't imagine what he was thinking, but here's a word of advice for everyone: What counts is the beauty that you bring to others.

--submitted by libby136

Attack of the Fanny Pack

This date went from bad to worse, very quickly. Our plan was to get a cup of coffee after work. He picked me up at my house, only to say that he needed to go to his place to change clothes. The entire drive over to his house he kept trying to sell me his car! Then, when we got to his house, he opened his truck and proceeded to hand me heavy pieces of an entertainment center and asked me to carry them into his house -- as if I were hired help. Then, just when I thought the date couldn't possibly get any worse, he changed clothes. He changed from perfectly acceptable slacks and a button down shirt to frosted blue jean cut-off shorts, high tops, a white T-shirt with a big American flag across the front, a Twins baseball cap and a black leather fanny pack. And then it got even worse! At the coffee shop he kept saying that he wanted to climb in my hair like Rapunzel's. After one cup of decaf coffee, I had to leave. And to top off the whole evening -- he let me pay the bill.

--submitted by Jeni

The Date That Vomited

I had a date with this guy I had been seeing for about a month. I was really excited about him, and really looking forward to our evening. We had plans to see a movie, but when I went to meet him at his apartment, he looked really sick. He admitted to feeling a little queasy. I said, "Oh, I'm so sorry! I'll leave." He told me he would be fine, so I said, "Let's not go to the movie ... I'll make you some soup." I finally got him to agree to skip the movie, and we watched TV on the couch. He looked progressively worse and I told him I would leave because he was obviously sick. He said, "You know what would make me feel a lot better? A kiss." I figured, what the hey, right? We had been dating a while. I kiss him, and one thing led to another ... and we're suddenly in this hot and heavy make-out sesh. Suddenly, he convulses, and barfs -- right into my mouth! I know it wasn't his fault, but it was so awful!

--submitted by Madeleine

A Real Shallow Hal

I had been looking around online for a date, and a seemingly wonderful guy from Arkansas emailed me. He asked to see some photos of me, so I used my sister?s scanner and scanned some surprisingly good pictures of my face. He saw my pictures and proclaimed me beautiful, even though I told him I was a bit heavy. I'm not overwhelmingly fat, but I'm heavy and I even told him I wear a size 16/18. He said he didn't care. We finally spoke on the phone and set up a date. He agreed to come to my house, where I was spending time with my daughter and mother. When he arrived, he took a few pictures of my daughter and me, and seemed to have a good time. He left with a hug and a smile, and I thought it all was okay-- until I read my email the next day. He called me a fat, lying little thing and accused me of altering my picture to make myself look good! He went on to say that he didn't date fat women and that I wasn't to be trusted. I replied and told him what I thought of him! A few months later, using a picture the jerk had taken, I met my darling husband-to-be and have been very happy ever since!

--submitted by Rachel

Talk to the Hand

My date from hell started on a blind date with another couple. The three of them decided that the four of us would see the movie Alien 3. I had no interest in this movie and I had never seen the other Alien movies. The four of us get our seats and are practically the only ones in the movie theater. My date tried to explain the whole premise of the Alien series to me before the movie started. Soon after the movie starts, I hear my date muttering. Not looking at him, I leaned closer to him and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear what you said. Can you repeat it?" He declined. About 20 minutes later, he's muttering again. I asked him to repeat it. He declines again. Ten minutes later, he mutters something again. I turned this time and asked him what he said. "Nothing," he said. "I wasn't talking to you." I looked around to see whom he was talking to. I see no one sitting around us. Ten minutes later, the muttering starts again. I turn and look at him and I see him -- for real -- talking to his hand! I couldn't believe it! This lunatic guy was talking to his hand as if it was a person! I suffered through the rest of the movie, but insisted on being driven home as soon as it was over. The hand-talking freak actually asked to see me again! What nerve! I shot him down real fast, hurried in to the safety of my parents' home and promptly took a shower to try to wipe off the creepy vibe of the evening.

--submitted by Diana

My Date with a Vampire

I met this guy through a matchmaking service, and after talking to him a few times, I thought, wow, what a great guy. When we met for dinner, it still seemed to be going well until I ordered red wine. He mentioned that he liked red wine, so I figured, awesome, something else in common. Well, come to find out he didn't enjoy it the same way I did. He liked it for its symbolism. Turns out that he thinks he was a vampire in a past life. He told me he had enamel fangs custom-made and that he liked the red wine because it reminded him of blood. Lets just say we never made it past the appetizer.

--submitted by karma9217

A rude, drunk pothead

I'm a hostess at a nice restaurant in Los Angeles and met what I thought was a nice and attractive guy last year. So I made a date with him. The drive to the restaurant went fairly well. But, as soon as we got to the restaurant, he was very rude to the host and then equally rude to the waiters. That is a big turn-off for me, not to mention very embarrassing -- but I let it slide. We sat at the bar before we got our table and he guzzled two martinis before we even sat down. During dinner he kept leaving the table to "smoke." I found out later that he was smoking pot! Then the date got worse. He continued to gulp down his drinks and get very, very loud. Then, he proceeded to flirt with a woman at the other table. He mocked everything I said. For example, he said I looked nice and then demanded to know who bought my clothes for me. When I mentioned that I was working on a documentary, he looked at me and said, "Yeah, right ... you?" The capper of the evening was when he asked me if I'd like a "poke." I thought I had heard wrong, so I said, "Excuse me?" He repeated his request and then said he'd pay me for it! This was beyond insulting, so I left to see if there was a window in the ladies room by which I could escape. No such luck. When got back, however, he was off on one of his "smoke breaks," so I had time to plan a hasty exit. I ended up enlisting the help of some nice guys sitting next to our table. One of them kept watch while the other one helped me get a cab home. Can you believe he called me the next day? As you can imagine, there was no second date.

--submitted by Diana

Say It's Snot So

I had this crush on a really hot guy when I was in college a year ago. When he finally asked me out for a date, I was so thrilled! Our first date went so well he asked me out for a second one. Instead of dinner and a movie, like on our first date, we had an order-out of my favorite food -- Chinese -- and relaxed on a picnic blanket near the runway of a little airport.

We watched the planes land and leave and gazed at the stars above between flights. It was so romantic. Then, he started to tell jokes, and I was laughing really hard. But this one time when he got to his punch line I busted out a big laugh, and to my amazement, with it came a sudden stream of mucus from my left nostril! I realized it was snot and inhaled it back up into my nose as quickly as it had come out! I was so embarrassed; all I could do was hold my hands over my face. I wished that the "ground god" would open the passageway to his throne and the earth would just swallow me in. Then my date said, "Oh, it's okay. It happens." Then he quickly changed the subject.

We ended up together, and for two years now he has never brought it.

--submitted by sweet_t

What's Worse Than a Fly in Your Soup?

I was out with a tall, dark and handsome dinner date. Conversation was going great, and he was looking so hot that by the time drinks and appetizers were through I was fantasizing about our life together.

Then our main course came, with a big loud fly buzzing around the garnish. The next thing I knew, my dreamy date took his fork out of his mouth, smashed the poor thing to the plate and wiped up the mess with his finger. After that he continued eating as if nothing had happened. He used the fork too! It was so gross. The next time he called me, I squashed him!

--submitted by Janine

Fake Hair Flying

"A nerdy guy walks into a pub, and ..." This is not the beginning of a joke. It's my dating history. Last time it happened, I was on a blind date. He sat down with me at the bar, and the first thing I noticed was his standout toupee. Then, mid-boring-conversation, he let out a giant sneeze, and the piece fell right off his head onto the bar. With one stroke he plopped it back on his head, but I had to swivel my stool away just to keep composed. A group at the other end of the bar was already cracking up. Poor guy!

--submitted by Linda

When Puppy Love Gets Old

I met at a cute guy at the dog park. We chatted for a while and exchanged numbers. A few days later he called and asked me go to the beach with him and our dogs. I loved the idea -- a low-key, no-pressure date.

We drove to the beach, laid out a blanket and munched on snacks. Our dogs played in the ocean and we tossed a football around. Sounds fun, right? It was -- until my date caught me off guard with a sloppy wet kiss. Dogs might not know better, but people are another story, you know?

I put the kiss out of my mind and relaxed during our ride back. Then all of a sudden, my date's dog threw up on the back seat. I felt sorry for the poor pooch until he followed it up by climbing into my lap and peeing! I could have gotten over one bad kiss, but after that mess I couldn't bring myself to go out with dog-guy again.

--submitted by nkrammer

A Flatulent Man Is Not for Me

I was really looking forward to a date with this great looking guy who had a terrific personality. When we finally hooked up, it was to go to a mutual friend's wedding -- a very romantic first date. It was amazing. He rented a limo and showed up looking fabulous in a navy blue Armani suit. We took our seats in the third pew just as the wedding started. The ceremony was beautiful, but just as the church became silent and the bride was about to say, "I do", my gorgeous date let out the biggest, loudest (brace yourself) fart in the world! To make matters worse, I jumped so high and had such a look of shock on my face that everyone assumed it was me! At that point, all I could do was excuse myself to the bathroom, hail a cab and split. Gorgeous or not, a flatulent man is not for me.

--submitted by nmallvr

Use Floss!

I agreed to go out with the manager at my bank. He seemed very sweet and had given me all kinds of free breaks on my account. We went out to dinner, and everything was really great. Afterwards, we went back to my apartment and he asked if he could use my bathroom. Of course I said yes. When he came out, he said the words that will forever echo in my memory: "I hope you don't mind, but I used your toothbrush." Then he went on to explain that there was something stuck in the back of his gums. I was horrified! At first, I thought he was kidding, but, nope, he wasn't. I never went out with him again, but I still get free checking. I didn't know it would cost me a toothbrush though.

--submitted by kimberly71

The Date That Purred

I picked my date up at his apartment and we went to the movies. Afterward, we played pool. Okay so far. Then I drove him home, and he asked whether I wanted to come up and have just one drink and "talk." My gut said don't go, but I accepted anyway. I decided that one drink couldn't hurt. Once in his apartment, he started showing me pictures from his college days. It was then I realized that he was about 20 years older than me.

Suddenly he decided he needed to "slip into something more comfortable" -- he even used those words! Because his apartment was so small, his bedroom was right in front of the couch, where I was sitting. He went in to change but didn't close the door. I was exposed to the sight of him taking off his shirt to change into ... A SILK SMOKING JACKET! The horror of seeing his bare, hairy back combined with the jacket made me want to spit out my beer. Amazingly, things got worse. He came out, sat on the couch next to me and proceeded to start rubbing his head on my shoulder. Then, he began purring (yes, purring) -- quite loudly. He then attempted to lick my ear. At that point, I jumped up and said that I had to go. I held in my laughter until I got to my car.

--submitted by amievp

If Dates Could Kill

I had just broken up with my boyfriend of three years when my Mom said that she knew someone perfect for me. So, I let her set it up.

Although the plan was to pick me up at my house at 8pm, he ended up calling at 8:15 to tell me that he was running late and it would be better if I met him at the Arby's down the road.

When I got there, I found him in the restaurant ordering food for himself. He said he assumed that I had eaten, which I hadn't. We decided to go to a movie (after he finished eating).

He ended up parking in front of an office building because we were early for the movie. Turned out to be his Dad's office, and he took me upstairs because he said it would be a comfortable place to talk.

After what seemed like hours (of him talking about himself), he got up and switched off the lights behind me. "What are you doing? Are we leaving?" I asked. "My eyes hurt, and we missed the movie," he said in the pitch dark. "You know ... no one knows your here, and this is an empty office building right now ..." He let the implication settle, then, very slowly said, "I could kill you right now if I wanted to, and probably get away with it!"

My feet didn't hit the floor as I ran out of there, all 18 floors down to the lobby and got myself a cab back to Arby's to pick up my car. What a creep!

--submitted by Cheryl

Where'd He Go?

My sister set me up on blind date with one of her coworkers. She assured me that he was good looking, which he was, and that he had a good sense of humor.

We set up a date to go see the movie War of the Roses. As the story unfolded I started to laugh at the things the couple were doing to each other. It really was funny. In the middle of the movie he turned to and asked me if, hypothetically, we were dating or married, would I behave like the characters in the movie during a fight or argument. I jokingly said that I would probably do worse.

I noticed he got very quiet through the rest of the movie. Our plan was to get bite to eat after the movie. But, on the street he said he saw someone he knew and told me he wanted to talk to them. He took off running to catch up with them. He never returned and I went home by myself.

--submitted by aarticqn

Two Is Company, an Ex-Wife Is a Crowd

I had been on a couple of dates with a very nice and sweet car salesman. On our third date, he confessed that he was divorced and had a son. I said that I didn't have a problem with it, but that I wished he had told me sooner. We had a date the next day to go bungee jumping. On my way to meet him, I got a call from him saying that he had his son with him because he wanted me to meet him. I said fine and headed over to the park.

When I got there, he told me his ex-wife would be coming along shortly with her boyfriend to pick up their son. Two hours later I'm hanging around an arcade holding one hand of the child, while his mother is holding the other. We were all hanging around like a big happy family. It was weird. I had a vision of three years down the road, seeing myself with this salesman as my husband, his son, his ex-wife and her new husband and their child all hanging around together!

--submitted by marlbrchick

Barking, Peeing and Drinking

I met this really nice guy through a friend. He took me, and two of our friends, to the movies. I soon learned he was a total drunk. He drank so much I lost count of how many drinks he had. He was acting ridiculous the entire time. When we were in line for the movie he must have said, "Oh, that's my ex-girlfriend," at least three times.

Once seated in the movies, he seemed to be under control. Then he started yelling at the audience. Actually it was more like barking. My friend kept telling me to kiss him just to keep him quiet. It was so embarrassing.

After he got done wearing himself out he fell asleep. And he snored! When the movie was done, we couldn't wake him up. Finally, he woke up, and immediately asked where the bathroom was. I offered to show him, but the next thing I knew he was peeing right in the middle of the theater. On the ride home he actually had the nerve to ask if he could stay the night. I simply looked at him and looked away.

--submitted by dezeraygir

He Whipped It Out!

I met a guy at a club downtown, and we exchanged phone numbers. We talked a few times and had very good conversations on the phone.

The first date went well. We went out to dinner and a movie and had a wonderful time. He was such a gentleman! He dropped me back off at my apartment, walked me to the door and gave me a goodnight hug.

The next date went a little differently. We decided to just stay at my place and have a little dinner and watch a movie. After dinner we were sitting on the couch watching a movie, and I look over next to me and see that he had whipped (continued below)

his thing out! I was shocked, but he looked as if he thought he did nothing wrong. I told him to leave, and he did so, but kept calling me. He could not seem to figure out why I refused to see him again!

--submitted by Jennifer

Not My Type

When a guy I met online asked me out, I suggested we each bring a friend along in order to make everyone feel more comfortable. He brought an adorable guy who was tall and blonde with blue eyes -- my friend was very pleased. As for me, I was confused. My date was strange-looking and awkward. I couldn't figure out what it was that was weird though. He just seemed odd. But I just couldn't put my finger on the problem. As soon as we had a minute alone, my friend filled me in on the secret. It turned out he was a she!

--submitted by Anonymous

When He Wants You for the Main Course

Four years ago an interesting man asked me out, but for some reason I said no. Then, last week, I was searching online personal ads and saw his picture! I couldn't remember why I turned him down, and I've been praying for a nice man to come into my life lately, so I thought it was fate.

I sent a quick email, and he wrote back instantly. Not only did he remember me, he also said he thought about me a lot. We met for coffee and it was nice. Then, the very next day, he invited over for dinner. Suddenly, I was nervous. I hadn't thought about him for four years, but he seemed to think we were a couple.

When I got to his house there was no food -- not a drink or chip in sight! He didn't even lead me to the dining room. Instead, we walked straight upstairs to a bedroom filled with candles, dim light and soft music. All I could think was that this romantic scene was too weird for a second date. So much for destiny. I should have gone with my first instinct.

--submitted by Lynne

The Mysterious Suitcase

When my date picked me up, I noticed an intriguing briefcase sandwiched between the seats in his car. I wondered about it because he was a city bus driver. What could he possibly need a business briefcase for? Religious work? Travel?

We pulled up to the movies a few minutes early, and he asked if he could kiss me. Since it was our second date and I thought it was so nice of him to ask I said sure. (The kiss was nice!) Then he said, "You know, we don't have to go to the movie. We could get to know each other better if we get a room somewhere." Stunned, I said, "No. I don't want to rush into anything. I like to take it slow."

"But I know you're wondering what's in here," he teased and put the briefcase on my lap. Even though I started to explain it was really none of my business and I would just rather go to the movies, he opened that baby up. It was filled with sex toys, gel, massaging oil and more things I can't even name! All that I could think to say was, "I really want to see this movie!" and ran out of the car.

--submitted by Mingan

Should You Kiss before Getting Naked?

I agreed to meet this blind date at a bar about halfway between our houses. When he got there I was impressed -- he was funny, friendly and nice looking. We seemed to be "clicking", and I was really excited to be having such a good date.

When it got to be pretty late, I said I needed to go home, and like a gentleman, he walked me to my car. We stood outside my car talking, and because it was so cold, I suggested we sit in my car to finish our conversation. We were talking about something going on across the street, so I turned to look out my window. When I turned around, my date had taken all of his clothes off!

When I finally regained my composure, I gave him a lecture about proper dating etiquette. I told him a guy shouldn't take his clothes off before he's even kissed his date. So then, he tried to kiss me! I told him to get his clothes on or I was going to call the police. He got mad, put on his clothes and got out of the car.

--submitted by tcave70

One Girlfriend Too Many

I went on a first date with a great guy. The date went really well. He seemed so polite and considerate. For example, we went to my favorite restaurant for dinner, then to a bar I love for drinks, and we even had courtside seats at a basketball game. Then came our second date.

At dinner, we were talking about an overseas trip he had taken recently, and how some of the men of that region were so rude to a woman with whom he was traveling. This made me think he had traveled on a tour, and so I asked what group he had gone with. He quickly and matter-of-factly responded, (continued below)

"With my girlfriend." I waited for him to add "at the time" or qualify her as an ex-girlfriend, but he didn't. He just sat there with a look on his face that said, "Oops, I wasn't supposed to say that." It was clear to both of us that the cat was out of the bag, so to speak, and that the date was very, very over.

--submitted by Kathleen

No Chemistry

My friend thought it would be fun to double-date, so she set me up with a buddy of her new boyfriend. The four of us made plans to go to a club. The night of our date, I was amazed -- this drop-dead gorgeous guy came to pick me up in a sports car! We went dancing and things were going great, except there was no chemistry between us. I played along anyway, and the four of us went out a few more times. But still no sparks. Finally, one night I blurted out, "What is the deal. We have no chemistry. Are you gay?" He looked straight at me and said, "As a matter of fact I am, and Paul (my friend's boyfriend) is my boyfriend. But don't tell."

--submitted by kikirn29

Why Do You Need to Be Spanked?

I dated a really nice man for about three months. He was tall and handsome and spoke with a Dallas accent that made me melt. I was living a dream -- until one night when he came over to pick me up for dinner. Something about him was different. He had a "cat that ate the canary" look on his face. We settled down on the couch with glasses of wine, and he said, "I have been a bad boy." I thought to myself, "No, he can't mean what I think he means." So I asked him what he was talking about. Wow, was I in for the shock of my life! He said, "I've been wearing these all day," stood up, (continued below)

dropped his pants and revealed a garter belt, stockings and ladies' panties! To top things off, he then said, "I need to be spanked." I was laughing so hard I couldn't get the door opened fast enough for him to leave!


Dinner with Pee-Wee

I had a recent dinner date with a seemingly intelligent, well-dressed computer professional at a local restaurant. The conversation dragged, but when I turned the subject to movies, he became animated, telling me about his love for the films Star Wars and Alien and so on. But the more he talked, the more hyper he became. His voice was getting higher and higher and louder and louder. So much so, that I actually noticed that others were having difficulty concentrating on their own conversations.

I was getting really nervous when, out of the blue (and in an

especially high-pitched tone), he blurted out, ''Do you like porno?'' Everyone stopped and stared in our direction. I shook my head ''no'' and tried to bury myself in my salad. He tried to regain his composure and then mumbled, ''I don't like porno either.''

Needless to say, I didn't go out with Pee-Wee again.

-- Name Withheld