Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Deficit Points

I had just moved to Brooklyn when a friend set me up on a blind date. I scheduled a date with this guy, but he canceled on me because he sprained his ankle. Once it was healed he called and we set up an afternoon to meet. He drove over to my house, and said that since he was doing rehab on his ankle, he wanted to strengthen it up, and he'd like to walk into Manhattan. Now it's a good long walk over the bridge into Manhattan from my house, but it was a nice day, so I figured what the hell.

We start walking and he asks me where we're going to go for dinner. I say that I hadn't really thought about it, but we could just stop and find a place when we got hungry.

Conversation stopped. In a dramatic movement that would have been accompanied by a trumpet fanfare in the movies, he swings his head up to the heavens and says to the sky: "Has trouble making plans. Disorganized. Negative points." I couldn't believe he'd just said this and I couldn't tell if he was serious or joking or what. For all I know the guy has Tourette Syndrome, right? So I ignore it and keep talking.

A little later I comment on the weather and say, "Wow, it's sure hot as hell out here." Ok maybe I cursed slightly more. Again, he swings his head up to the sky and says: "Inappropriate use of the English language. Unnecessary swearing. Negative points." Now, I'm beginning to think he's a bit freaky.

Over dinner (yes, I managed to be organized enough to get us to a restaurant) it happens again. I turned down his suggestion of ordering a bottle of red wine, and ordered a beer instead. He looked up at the restaurant ceiling: "Doesn't drink wine. Negative points."

"What are you doing?" I asked. "I mean are you trying to joke, or are you being serious or what?? Because if you're serious I'm just going to leave right now." We ended up getting in a huge argument, and in the cab ride home he commented that the evening hadn't quite gone as planned and perhaps we should just shake hands and go our separate ways. I agreed and we rode in silence for a while.

"Except I brought you a gift." He said. "I brought you this incredibly romantic and creative gift. The most creative thing I've ever come up with, and so I think I should probably just give it to you."

"Fine." I said. When we got back to my house, he goes to the trunk of his car and pulls out his phenomenally creative gift: a box made out of chocolates with chocolate candies inside. Some creativity, huh?

I said good night, walked over to the trashcan where I threw out his chocolates as he watched, and went into my house. I never heard from him again.


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