The Three Hour Tour

OK, so last summer I was kind of having a dry spell. I hadn't been on a date in quite a while and always the good friend that she is, when a college friend of Jessica's mentioned that he needed a date to his annual summer office party, she volunteered me. I had once seen a picture of him in one of those silly sorority collages of hers and said he was cute. All hail to Jessica for remembering.

So the next thing I know I'm on the phone making plans with Jake the Dream Date. In his company's attempt to be culturally neutral, their big annual bash takes place in the summer rather than during the "year end holiday season" (or whatever). That year they rented a big awesome party boat that was going to take us on an all night dinner and dancing floating fiesta. It sounded fun and out of the ordinary. It sounded like it had romantic potential. I was psyched.

The party was on a Friday night, and cruise was to leave the port promptly at 8:00 p.m. Jake the Dream Date said he'd pick me up at my office around 6:30 so that we could have a drink before hand and then head to the docks. At about 4:30 he called from somewhere so loud I could barely make out what he was saying.

"KYLIE," yelled a male voice.

"Um, yeah?" I answered, shielding the receiver from the guy in the next cube.

"THIS IS JAKE. I WENT OUT WITH THE GUYS AFTER WORK."

"Doesn't after work usually start around 5:00 or so?"

"KYLIE, CAN YOU COME AND PICK ME UP? I'VE HAD A COUPLE BEERS." Mind you that I'm giving the condensed version of the conversation here. The real conversation used up a whole lot more "Huh?"s. To make our long conversation short, I'm a work, he's drunk and a half a city away, and no I can't come and pick him up.

We finally decided that I would meet Jake the Dream Date at the docks at 7:30 so we'd be on time to make the cruise. When I got to the pier I waited and waited and saw no sign of Jake the Dream Date. I started thinking . . . were we supposed to meet on the boat? At our table? On the dock? Where the heck had we decided to meet? I had been running a little bit late, so maybe he went on board to look for me. So I decided to board to see if I could find any sign of him. As I was trying to make my way to the seating chart I heard a loud horn sounding.

Yes. Jake the Dream Date or no, we were shoving off.

So here I am sequestered with boat full of strangers for the rest of the night. Always the one to look on the bright side of things, I realized I was also on a boat full of free liquor and I headed to the bar. I figured if Jake the Dream Date were on the boat, sooner or later he'd show up there.

Jake the Dream Date did not show up there, but let me tell you who did.

As I was making friends with the bartender (and his friend Jose Cuervo) a hot guy saddles up next to me. To make another long story short (actually this is convenient seeing how I don't remember most of the story), this hot guy who obviously had interest in me was some young computer whiz kid and founder of the company. Jake the Dream Date's boss.

Many drinks and dances later we arrive at the port to dock for the night. As Boss Man and I were getting off the boat together, I noticed a mass of human passed out on the dock. It was Jake the Dream Date. What a trouper -- he made it after all. Boss Man, being responsible for his benefits package and all, had some guys get him home. In the mean time, Boss Man offered me some benefits, too. He asked met out again, and we've been dating ever since.

Jake Schmake.