Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Double Date

I have been on some truly mortifying dates but I think this one qualifies for the absolute worst.

My mother had a friend at work who always talked about her only -- and close to perfect -- child: a son, in his early twenties, handsome, smart, talented, creative and best of all available! As luck would have it, I was to be home from college on a weekend when "wonder boy" would be around and the two mothers conspired to set us up on a blind date.

We were going to dinner and I dressed in excited anticipation of our meeting. At 7:00 sharp ?Andy? pulls up in front of the house. I'm watching out the window and so far so good -- he's dressed well, on time, etc. Introductions are made all around and we leave to get in the car. As I get in the front seat, I notice a small figure sitting in the shadows in back.

Andy would like to introduce me to his close friend Chester -- who happens to be a ventriloquist's dummy.

The rest of the evening was spent with Chester acting as our go between. He came to the restaurant with us, ordered food and made lively conversation. I had to draw the line when Chester and Andy suggested dancing after dinner. The evening was a near religious experience, with me praying continually that we would not run into anyone I knew.

Arriving home, the "boys" walked me to the door and proceeded to argue over who got to kiss me goodnight while I quietly slipped into the house and slammed the door in their faces.

--Name Withheld

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